Queen Elizabeth II Christmas Message: A Parody

Christmas is a duration to be c argon for by all those who celebrate, a time in which the spirit of corporation and family is at its pinnacle, a time in which any shop in existence goes on sale. Decorating champions castle, gifting ones servants, and tinselling ones corgis are however a some of the customs which contri onlye to such a jubilant atmosphere The ungrateful children, unwanted presents, and garish Christmas specials are amongst those which do non.Nalwaystheless, one must not lose push-down storage of the reason for such a ecstatic occasion which is to celebrate the birth of our saviour, not Santa Claus, but Jesus Christ. A heart often forgotten by those of uncouth upbringing, who see this occasion as an explain to drink wine to the point of intoxication, and so later regurgitate turkey and fertilization in a s forthwith-topped bus shelter.And olibanum the prime principle of Jesus teachings to love ones populate is more applicable than ever during Chris tmastide. such love is demonstrated by you, the populate of Britain, by the public reenforce handst which you so generously bestow upon myself, and my ever so needy family. It is finished such funding that I buy my vibrant hats and conjure my splendid garden parties. subdued, it takes but a simple visitation to a topical anesthetic shopping centre to demonstrate that roughly people are just infeasible to love.(Cut to footage of hooligans spitting, riding mopeds and fighting)Many are those who raffishly loiter on street corners, multitudinous amounts of unwanted despatchspring in tow, hind end in mouth, alcohol in grasp. copious amounts of this kind were exhibited during the widespread riots this August. Prince Philip and I would standardised to thank such rioters, for leaving Buckingham castling undisturbed and instead besieging topical anesthetic Tesco Extras in slums such as Birmingham and Manchester.How overt it would be, for me to imply we are a demesne of peac e and cohesion, with people who are devoted and respectful to those of supreme eminence, such as myself. Alas, I ensure umpteen of you do not watch this broadcast abideable to royalist ideals, but have tuned in early for the 330 present of Shrek 2.(Obligatory clip of Shrek 2, complete with advertisement for the blu-ray release)Unfortunately, our nation is in a severalize of uttermost(a) disharmony a incubus cesspit of crime, violence and vulgarity. Had it not been for my ever so vital role in the governing my kingdom, I fear the in reality fabric of our empire would have been snap to shreds by conceited anarchists. Waving from balconies, agitate hands with people whom I neither know nor heed to know, inheriting valuate payers money but a few examples of the strenuous work which I come through for the sake of my country. Undoubtedly a stellar demonstration of expressing love for ones neighbour.The common house of our country have previously turn out hindersome to communities, with their spray paint and lacklustre futures. However this course this has changed, with the marriage of my grandson William, and his wife Kate or should I say Catherine as she so prefers. She whitethorn be a royal, but she is still a mere laywoman is the eyeball of the aristocracy. Despite the many a(prenominal) elegant Princesses and rarefied Duchesses whom I attempted to marry William off to, he instead settled with a commoner with rich parents. He really could have done go against, butits better Kate than never, I suppose.(Cut to footage of The princely Wedding, mainly plebs insanely waving miniature union jacks)The rare marital union of proletariat and aristocrat spurred the excitement of many citizens of the commonwealth and fuelled the unorthodox harmony seen across the land. It gave us the opportunity to express feel in our country, clangoring streets with streamers and novelty bunting, cause heavy trading with road closures, buy tacky swap and h ang Union Jacks from our windows.The come about that the populace celebrated due to accredited pride and joy for their country is unlikely, many simply embraced the day off work. Regardless, the Royal Wedding instilled a sense of community where there was previously dissonance, gave us a well deserved boost in tourism, and finally made other countries pay attention to us. It put the Royal Family second in the good books after my conserve accused a 14 year old boy of being on drugs.As Christmas is a time for reflection, I feel we must look moxie on the achievements and accomplishments of the 21st century so far. As consumers, we owe a undischarged sense of gratitude to the innovators and inventors behind the iPhone.(Cut to footage of the Queen on face time with Prince Philip, both express emotion merrily.)Not only for revolutionising the way we go along with one another, but also for livid Birds and iBeer, which have managed to enrich me (and assuredly many others) with hou rs of entertainment and joy.2011 has been a time of gravid development in industry, technology, science, but not economy. With a packet of Space Raiders crisps now at 15p and Freddos now at a staggering 20p, the effects of inflation are evident. We should take time, this Christmas, to reassure those whom have suffered the hardships of financial loss, including those irritating carolers begging for small change. alone with such tribulation, we are only strengthened. We are a proud nation, we may moan, but we are proud. Some express this pride through celebration, and some express it through harsh xenophobia and degrading racism. But still we have managed to maintain our composure, as a family together enduring obstacles such as rioting, terrorism, recession and disastrous coalition.Through my faith, and through the support you have given me, I continue to serve my country with utmost aspiration. Even to those who mock my accent, those who see me as nothing more than a tress for to urism, and the Sex Pistols I am thankful, for you are the catalyst behind my efforts.I wish you all a very adroit Christmas. Unless you are of other religions, in which carapace absolutely no offence was intended, and you may continue with your heretical customs.(Fades to uniformed men with brass instruments playing typical chauvinistic themes.)